Consequences after the Clock Struck Twelve

I deserved every strike and blow across my face
The stomping of the boots these kids were giving me
made my insides scream out
The kicking, the spitting and throwing trash all over
me made me vomit
But I refused to put up a fight
I opened my arms and welcomed the abuse like a long
lost son
One of the teens pissed on me and I willingly bathed in
the acrid smelling liquid
Soon one of the kids realized that I seemed to enjoy the pain
and summoned his crew to leave
“Sicko!” he yelled at me and gave me one last kick in the
back for good measure

I’m known for being the town kook; the one parents pulled their
children away from when they see me walking down the street
They pointed their fingers at me and gave me angry looks
At the time, I did nothing to garner such treatment
I always gave to the transients lying on the street; handing out
food only to have it thrown back at me-
They never throw the money back, but then again who would
I visited soup kitchens to help out but always got turned away
I could never find someone to play chess with me in the park
On Halloween, kids never visited my house for candy-
after awhile I stopped going to the store and buying it
No one wanted to have anything to do with me,
until one day I came across a man stumbling out of a bar

He was so handsome, and was actually smiling at me
I turned around because I just knew his attention wasn’t for me
He half walked, half stumbled over to me and asked me my name
“Rose” I answered and found myself blushing for the first time
in a long while
he told me his name was “Andrew” and threw his arm around me
Andrew told me that I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen,
But I knew that it was the alcohol he’d drank that was talking
I asked him if he wanted a cab home, but he told me that he
didn’t want to go anywhere unless it was with me
I giggled, but he insisted, then gave me a hug and to feel his
warmth on me was like a slice of heaven; I couldn’t resist
I drove him back to my place so that I could receive more affection
I hadn’t had shown me in ages

We sat down on my couch and he wanted a little more to drink
I fixed him a Vodka Tonic and he was happy when I handed him the glass
I did most of the talking while he sipped and laughed
Then he pulled me close and placed a kiss on me that left me speechless
“You are so beautiful…” he kept repeating over and over like some kind
of mantra
A fire sparked inside of me that I though long extinguished
Still, I pulled away when he tried to kiss me again
“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea…” I started while pacing the floor
He grabbed my hand and told me that he didn’t want to be anywhere else
at the moment
I reminded him that he was drunk and not thinking clearly
“What if I brought you hear to do you harm?” I asked sheepishly
He laughed it off and grabbed me and I landed in his lap; we kissed again
Soon, we made our way to my bedroom

He took off his clothes and threw them in a heap on the floor
I hesitantly started shedding some articles before cutting off the light
“Why are you hiding yourself?” he asked, before reminding me how
beautiful I was again
Once more, I told him that we should not continue
I apologized but his demeanor changed and he became impatient
I knew what was happening was wrong, but that sexual need I had
went unheeded for so long that I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to
Andrew forgot about the lights as he entered me, kissing my neck and
running his fingers through my hair
His skin felt like silken gold against mine as he clutched my hands just
as we both neared climax
I literally had tears of joy as Andrew lied down next to me and fell asleep
in my arms
I finally felt like the luckiest woman in the world

The morning brought forth a familiar coldness as Andrew pushed me
out of bed
He demanded to know what those sores I had on my arms and legs
were from, but before I could explain he slapped me hard, knocking me
down
Blood trickled from the side of my mouth
He then went to my medicine cabinet and found the many pill bottles I had
Before he could come at me again, I locked the door to my room and
threatened to call the police
Andrew called me such filthy names before accusing me of trying to kill
him; that hurt me to my core
I heard a few things crash in my livingroom before Andrew slammed the
door
I tried to warn him, albeit feebly
We both were foolish but it is I who should shoulder most of the blame

So there I was, lying in pain on the ground in an alley where mice were scampering
past my face
Every since that night about a week ago, everywhere I went I heard more whispers
than I normally did
Eyes that watched me like a hawk before burned even harsher into my fragile skin
The fingers pointing at me doubled and when I walked past the bar Andrew came
out of the owner spotted me through the window and slammed the door shut
One particular day that I decided to take a short cut home from the local store
a bunch of kids surrounded me, calling me things Andrew did that night
Were some of them his relatives, maybe a younger brother or cousin perhaps
They began taunting me, yet no one came to my defense
There were people in the street, but they turned their backs to me and shunned
me, leaving me helpless
I tried to run, but there were too many and I soon found myself trapped in the alley
The first kid had sandy hair like Andrew and he shot the first punch that knocked
me down in a heap
Then the kicking and spitting followed, but I never put up a fight
Only after the vicious onslaught did I allow myself to cry
I laid on the ground until the sun made its way west and not a soul came to my
rescue

When I was well enough to move, it was then when I decided to flush all the AIDS medication in my medicine cabinet out
I was in so much pain, but I never called my doctor or the police
I haven’t eaten nor drank in three days as I began to feel weak, lying in all my filth
Each time I pass out I wonder it if will be the last time my eyes will see the ceiling
Hopefully God will prove merciful and not allow me to wake up the next time I fall
asleep