A Trainwreck

A Trainwreck

i have naivite in my heart
but old enough to know better
from a magazine rack full of issues
down to words on tear stained letters
too lazy to change
i leave everything to fate
then start grasping at straws
as my world crumbles under the weight

of disaray

same old shit everyday
i try to explain myself to you
but i don't have the right things
to say
you look at me and see a diamond
in the rough
i look in the mirror-
can't stop wincing at the picture
and see a woman going through too much

stuff

and your compassion will never be enough
i throw pity parties and send mass invites
then wonder why people run out on me left
and right
a part of me hopes you'll never see the light
i don't want to lose you
so i throw emotional darts to confuse you
willfully exchanging sex for love
to mask the fact that i mentally abuse

you

yes, i'm afraid that is true
so now that you've seen my hand
ask yourself if this option is for you:
stick around for the sex
and hope that things will get better
knowing all about the issues
and the many tear stained letters

Drifting

fading away
not feeling like much
traveling with the
wind
mobility with a breeze's
touch
passing by others with
problems just trying to stay
sane
knowing i'd be a zombie
too if i had remain

This is a test from yet another phonezoo

testing

123

Drunk By Myself (with Legend*)

*this was a collab with a talented internet comrade who will hopefully come back soon.

Drunk By Myself

I've filled and emptied so many bottles;
it's a testament to my survival
Ripped from a hard knock life's bible
I let them swallow the tears I try to shed
but they always overflow
I've drowned in misery so many times
how I'm alive I still don't know
With every tear I shed, a new chapter is born
You take a look inside of a beating heart
that's tearing apart
And with each drop, a new sport becomes torn
Being in love with someone who isn't in love with you
makes the colors in your world turn black and white
And you're trying to live in a different hue
but the color scheme still doesn't seem right
The pain subsides
but you are out still trying to find a cure
Dead inside
it's like I'm blind because I live a life that's so obscure
They say in time that all wounds heal;
that's little help
I'm in so much pain still
Hence, the many bottles on my windowsill
I quench my thirst with liquid that's smoky brown
or burning clear
When no one's around I exchange the liquid with all
my tears
I don't care if my blood is diluted, polluted from the
many sips i take
There are many nights I lie awake
and think about how I got into this mind state
But then I get numb again from the whiskey, the vodka,
the rum and the gin
It's a vicious cycle and I don't think it will ever end
A sick game I can't win
Maybe this time I won't be able to cheat death
I have so many tears left
The pain subsiding when I give up my last breath...