Baby Got it Bad

Baby Got it Bad

i’m aching all over
can’t get warm
too many tears spilling
on bed sheets
i’m in the eye of the
storm
the phone refuses to
ring
my cigarette is burning
in the ashtray
my world is falling apart-
i didn’t get my fix
today

i can’t get it together
i’ve taken too many
aspirins within an
hour
a glass of scotch is
glued to my right hand
i haven’t eaten in two
days
i need a long hot shower-
fixing the mess which is
me
requires so much power

this state i’m in
makes me want to
peel my
skin
love and/or drugs
i’m crippled by my
addiction(s)

Clutter and Clarity

Clutter and Clarity

to view the real window into my soul
one must take a walkthrough of my
room:

comfort and cozy
items all around
i know where certain things are
other things will never be
found

hardwood floor used to
late night pacing
a coffee mug on the floor
after one of my late night
caffeine chasings

but there is a corner
where a modest laptop sits on an
immaculate tiny desk
away from clothes on the floor
next to a closet that’s a complete
mess

simple yet complex-
that’s who i am
when i plop down on the comforter
on my bed
this woman is truly her own
island…

Appetizer

Appetizer

fresh washed strawberries
cool
whipped cream
i feel your fingers intertwined
with mine
we carry the succulent tray of
delectable edibles
together to the
couch

scented candles arose the room
sitting on plush pillows
i stare at your juicy lips
and trace strawberry juice
on them;
your sexy pout has me hypnotized
a dollop of cream lands on my
chin-
you tongue tickles my face and
i am in swoon

we are looking into each others
eyes
our wanting is so evident
feeding each other
caressing faces and moving in
slow motion
our devoured food not satiating
a true hunger

i follow your footsteps to a bed
with rose petals all around
your kiss on my neck melts me
completely-
I am forever yours…

Long Sleeves

Long sleeves
In the summertime
Always dressed in black
The kids aren’t blind
I never sweat
I’ve always had a chill
Long sleeves hide my pain
While showing off my lack of
Will

Long sleeves
Even when it’s 90 degrees
So many people gawk
I wish they’d stop looking at
Me
Im just trying to make it
My nose constantly runs
My arms constantly itch
My pockets are so empty
I think I’m going to be sick

It’s a bitch

Long sleeves
Fool no one
My pupils are dilated
In a dark room or gazing into
The sun

Sometimes I want to wear a
Short sleeved dress
But I need my long sleeves to
Cover the mess
In my pit of despair
Life’s not fair
I’ll never find happiness

Soon I will need more than
Long sleeves
To help me…

Right to Die

The medicine stopped working
My body’s jerking
uncontrollably
I fall to my knees begging folks
To let me be
I’m full of toxins
My pores are cesspools
Veins pumping contaminated
Blood
One cut and people would die from
The flood
There’s no cure
I’m a twitching mess
Beyond sending calls of distress

my time is borrowed
i’m in panic mode
a total nervous breakdown
bodily functions shutting down
following my manic episode
i hear voices-
for once they’re not in my head
somehow I’m chained to a bed
condescending words float above
and bounce off walls like my body
was before
i see a woman carrying a tray walking
through the door
it can’t be more vials and needles
what would be the purpose
why can’t they let my body expire
i’m so tired-
no need to prolong others suffering…

my eyes connect with hers and I think she
understands my plea
by tomorrow I will no longer be

Pussyfoot

i feel your resentment

here you are giving me your heart
while I slice select parts of mine to
offer in return

i told you i was no good-
not merely misunderstood
you wanted to prove me and the world
wrong-
it was a cruel lesson to learn

you fell so deep down the well
i stride through shallow waters making
sure i don’t get too wet
but before you can drown
i cast out a safety net

it’s in my best interest

as long as you set out your bowl of cream
i’ll slink around allowing you to get lost in
your dreams
grip me too tight and I bite
loosen your hold and off I go
then you’re left alone crying about having a lover
so mean

anyway you choose, you lose

having a warm bed sometimes is better than
never
however, affections aren’t meant to be toyed with
when you see me walk out the door
you always wonder if we’ve had our last kiss…

That Place

That Place

i let it happen

his hands were like
silk across my untouched
skin
so much warmth through his
fingertips
a magic spark i felt when
he kissed my lips
the buttons became undone
i wanted myself to be set
free
into the grass, surrounded
by wildflowers
out in the field right next
to the oak tree

he entered me

i was confused by the strange
sensation
he turned from the sweetest man
into a stranger
i searched for compassion in his
eyes but all i could see was the
danger
i was in
suddenly i didn't want this to
continue
i cried out but received the
back of his hand
i was being pushed down into
the coldness of the land
closing my eyes i prayed for
this to end
i begged God for forgiveness
for participating in this
sin

i brought it upon myself

soon, he raised his sweaty
body off of mine
i laid into the dirt as if i
had no spine
the look he shot me was of
pure disgust
i shot a look of my own of
total distrust
no words were exchanged
he went on his way
as the sun started to set
at that place is where i
continued to stay
casting my eyes at the darkening
sky
i had to ask the stars "Why?"

why did i let him kiss me
why did i smile went he winked
at me
why did i skip school and get
into his car
why did i let things go so
far

momma won't understand my torn
dress
the grownup smells i had and my
insides being a mess
ashamed i am for what was done
ashamed i am for what i have
become

that place, where the wildflowers
serenaded the big oak tree
that place that used to comfort me
that place where the honeysuckles
enticed the bees
that place now simply haunts me

that place...