Monday, August 13, 2007

Permission to Cry

I want to cry…

I am having a shitty day today, but this wonderful man is coming over to see me. He thinks I’m funny and cute and we talk all the time on the phone. We joke around and we never run out of things to say. Kisses are blown through the phone before we hang-up.

I need to cry…

Just about anything that could go wrong today did. From a can of soda spilt on my freshly mopped floor, to my child giving me attitude when I questioned her about her report card. I took away her privileges to make her concentrate more and now I feel like a bad mom. She’s in bed early for misbehaving and in a few hours, this bubbly, warm and patient man is coming to see me for a few fleeting moments just to see how I am.

I’m trying not to cry…

The last thing I want to do is appear to be this needy, baggage carrying lady. How can I open the door and before I can say Hello tears start streaming down my face? Who needs that? People have problems of their own and the thought of having wet shoulders from the sobbing isn’t attractive. Maybe he will think that the giggly part of me is some façade to hide some deep issues. Sure, there are days when I don’t want to get out of bed, but everyone have days like that once in awhile. How do I reassure him that I won’t run to him for every little thing that happens?

I just won’t cry.

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